Thursday, December 27, 2007

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Yeah, I WISH my only problem was a playful poltergeist and Bill Murray could step in with his comedic antics.

Christmas was AWSOME, I do have to say, despite the fact that I couldn't keep anything down. We're not sure if it's because of everything going on or if I just had a touch of the flu. My mom and I are going with the "nerve factor" because of the upcoming roto-rooter test.

Here's how it went down today: Checked in, they asked the usual questions, started the I.V. (This chick was GOOD ~ I barely felt it, don't even have a bruise, and the mark is TINY!) They let my mom come back and we sat waiting for them to take me back to the rectal snake doc. I was wigging, but I'm tellin' you guys, the night before was the WORST compared to this. I got about 1/2 hour's sleep at a time from the time I drank the doses of colon-blow until I checked in. The procedure itself was nothing, until I heard...

"Lady K, I want to also give you a barium enima to get some more pics."


Twice in a MONTH? You've GOT to be fucking KIDDING ME, right?

They wheeled me back, I got on the table, then the ASSHAT BLOWFUCK doc in charge comes in and tells me he thinks it may be a good idea to RESCHEDULE because I'm still groggy from the snakeotomy? I said, "I don't THINK so. NO, you WILL do this TODAY. I didn't just go through the depths of HELL cleaning my colon last night for NOTHING, and will NOT be doing this again. If you have a problem with this, PAGE MY SURGEON and let's see what HE says. HOP TO IT." So he did. And they did. I cried my fool head off. I felt like a complete baby, but it HURT because of the pressure and the fact that they kept rolling me from side to side and making me hold my breath and making me pinch up my ass to hold that liquid in, all the while with what felt like a tree branch up my ass. The fact that it was also coming through my womanhole didn't help my dignity, either. Thank GOD the nurse was understanding. That doc/technician had the worst bedside manner I've EVER encountered in my LIFE. What a douche. So sorry you had to miss your golf date, sourpuss! MAN he was a dick. I can see detaching yourself when you're in the medical profession, but what the fuck happened to compassion? Fuckwad.

Apparently he treats his staff like shit, too, from what I heard...

Anyway, I came out with flying colors, and even got color pics from the snakeotomy. I won't share. Well, I can't anyway because they're not on a disk. ha ha.

I've got a follow-up on the 7th to go over results and schedule (ugh) yep, another surgery. Not looking like it can be done through laparascopy, so Lady K gets the knife yet again. Another 4-6 weeks off. I like vacation and all, but come ON.

Back to Christmas. I did say it was great, right? Spending time with the fam was really fun, and Santa DID in fact bring me a sweet digital camera. I'm still learning how to use it, and even got the software and USB cable to download pics. I'm gonna do that right now, then get some sleep. I'm exhausted, and Ms. Muffet amazingly enough has Strep Throat, so I have to go in to work early. If I get sick and have to postpone surgery, I swear I'm going to brain the bitch. We pretty much all think it's in her head, and I have NO idea why she is still employed there. At least I bring in legit medical documentation. They don't even ASK her for hers. I'll ask the same question you guys are probably asking: Who the fuck is she BLOWING over there?

Hope you all have a great weekend and if I don't get a chance to post before then, a HAPPY HEALTHY, PROSPEROUS New Year!!!

Treble Snake Butt Dance


Casdok said...

Glad to hear you had a great christmas!.
Good luck with any surgery, and glad you didnt have a photos to show!!!

captain corky said...

"Lady K, I want to also give you a barium enima to get some more pics."

Yikes!!! That sucks K. We had a shitty doctor when we were in the hospital in July. She scared the shit out of me and Allyson.

Glad you had a good Christmas though! I know you'll take some great pics with the new camera.

Callie said...

I can't wait to see the pics you take with your new camera.

I'm so sorry your doc was a complete fuckhead. Just remember, Karma works wonders for people like that. He'll get his, don't you worry about that.

I do hope you're feeling better. Just take your vitamins, and DON'T GET SICK!!!

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Lady K: I think people with bad bedside manners just shouldn't talk, you know? Just give all the information to a nurse or someone who actually knows how to talk like a human being.

I'm glad you had a good Christmas! Have fun with that new digital camera. I'm overdue for an upgrade myself.

Big Pissy said...

I'm SO glad you had a good Christmas!

and SO sorry that you have to have surgery again! WTF?!?!? :(

Anonymous said...

I've had what felt like a tree branch up my ass before...

Long weekend in prison. I miss those guys.