Monday, February 5, 2007

Superbowl Food NO MO!!!

Good Christ help me.

The superbowl was GREAT, don't get me wrong. The FOOD was spectacular, if I don't say so myself. Really... You saw the pics, I outdid myself...

Then there was the morning after. I gotta say...the boneification was wonderful. Fabulous. I might even say, "YUMMY!" A CAVE WOMAN would even have been satisfied...ha HA!

Until....(insert "Jaws" music here...) da nah....da nah...dah nah da nah da nah...da da dah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Attack of the killer dumpage. JESUS on a TEN SPEED! Peter Benchley would have put some jawteeth on this sucker. Seriously.

It could very well have been me, kids. I will admit that, but...

OH YES, people, b/f decided to lay the anaconda of ALL anaconda snakees. We're talking prehistoric proportions here. Good mother of ALL that is HOLY!!!

I went in a little while after the Loch Ness monster took a swim so I could get me some t.p. to blow my nose, went to throw it into the "bowl," so as not to fill up the waste basket any more, flushed, and AAAHHHHH!!!!! The toilet was clogged.

Son of MOSES, and mother of FUCKING JOSE' !!!

HONEY! GOD DAMMITT!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!

I mean it.

"God DAMMIT! What?! Did you give BIRTH in here or something? I sure as hell didn't hear any ass-smacking or crying, so what the FUCK, dude? Thank GOD you didn't light a fucking MATCH, or the whole APARTMENT may have gone up in FLAMES! CHRIST on a SURFBOARD, at LEAST you sprayed some FeBreeze!~~~"

HOLY SHIT.

No!!!!!!

So he goes in to try to FIX it plunging his heart out, flushed, and the water goes ALL over the place. EEWWW. Oh God NO!!!! I ended up calling maintenance.

Dude came in, plunged, and it was over in a heartbeat. We giggled, I apologized my fool HEAD off for the HUGE baby-sized dukie, and it was all good.

Thank GOD I'm outta here soon. LMAO Needless to say, the b/f is NOT allowed in the bathroom unless it's number ONE.

Sorry, hon...I LOVE to cook for you, but...

Treble Shit

6 comments:

captain corky said...

Yikes! If you're not out of there by next year your going to have to feed him slim fast for the Super Bowl.

Lady K said...

cork ~ LMAO exactly. I hate snakes in my toilet. HA!

limpy99 said...

Next time maybe not so much ex=lax in the "special sauce"

Callie said...

Awww! Gotta feel bad for the guy. It's embarassing enough to have to do that at your b/f / g/f house, but then to have them broadcast it to the entire world . . . that just really sucks.

But I sure am laughing. *giggle/snicker/snort*

Junebugg said...

My Super Bowl fiasco was the extra poundage added to my behind from all the goodies. B/F needs to take plumber lessons if he continues the massive dunks

Big Pissy said...

*LOL* Whe I was working at the DA's office, one of my female co-workers went out to the lobby to poop so she wouldn't stink us out of the office.

Needless to say, someone before her had clogged the toilet up and when she flushed, EVERYTHING ran out....over the toilet and all over the floor in the lobby....poop...pee...water...you name it! The lobby was litterally flooded with shit!

HAHAHAHA!!!! She had to clean it all up! It was PRICELESS!!!